So I went to Toys-R-Us today to get a baby shower gift. I found most everything I wanted to get her, but I remembered a pacifier/pacifier keeper set at target that I thought she would like as well. They didn't have it at Toys-R-Us so I decided to make the Target trip. As I was walking around, I noticed a guy.. early twenties-ish.. leaning up against the corner of target. He was holding a cardboard sign, but I couldn't read what it said and I didn't want to turn around and stare. As I walked out of view of the guy and his sign towards my car, I knew I was supposed to go back. I in no way wanted to because I've always held the "they'll use it on drugs or alcohol theory" and I felt quite sure he wanted money. Either way, it was a knowledge way too strong not to ignore and that just driving away would be basically disobedience to God. So I literally closed my car door, muttered "crap", and drove back up to the front of Target to read his sign. It said "Pretty much screwed. Anything helps." I rarely carry cash but knew I had $5 in my wallet, so I looked away from him and towards the parking lot to find a place to park to go back to him. The closest non-handicapped spot to the door was open with no one in the aisle waiting on it which has never happened to me in the two years I've been going to Murfreesboro's Target. I pulled in, got out the money, and walked up to the guy. He had headphones on and was looking down and moving his fingers as though he were playing guitar. He looked up and realized I was coming towards him. He took the headphones out and as I approached, I was nearly knocked back by his ice blue eyes and the entire aura of normalcy that he gave off. I gave the him the money and told him I hoped things get better for him. He said he was hoping they would soon and gave me this weary half smile. I walked off with so many things running through my head.
It occurred to me that with his headphones and non-ragged clothes, he could just be playing me and use the money for something completely unimportant, but I remembered Matt Reed once saying "It doesn't matter how he uses it. You still get the blessing and you still showed love."
I then started thinking about how normal he was in a different light. I realized that Josh and I could easily lose everything. I started thinking about how giving what we have helps us lose our attachment to it. I think generosity is (obviously) the best cure to selfishness, but along with that, depression, greed, coveting, etc. I think a content person is a generous person. The line from a Mat Kearney song ran through my head "We're all one phone call from our knees." I thought about how true that was and then decided to turn on my radio.
Where naturally that song was playing.
I then started thinking about how much of loving people isn't even about other people. So much of loving people involves me and God and where my heart lies and what he's showing me and whether or not I'm trusting him with everything.
I got home with this crazy indescribable peace about Josh and me and our finances and job situation. It was just a good afternoon. :)
And here is the song b/c I now have extra affection for it.
One out of the gray
And when the smoke cleared
It took her breath away
She said she didn't believe
It could happen to me
I guess we're all one phone call from our knees
We're gonna get there soon
If every building falls
And all the stars fade
We'll still be singing this song
The one they can't take away
I'm gonna get there soon
She's gonna be there too
Cryin' in her room
Prayin' oh, Lord come through
We're gonna get there soon
Oh, it's your light
Oh, it's your way
Pull me out of the dark
Just to shoulder the weight
Cryin' out now
From so far away
You pull me closer to love
Closer to love
Meet me once again
Down off Lake Michigan
Where we could feel the storm blowin'
Down with the wind
And don't apologize
For all the tears you've cried
You've been way too strong now for all your life
I'm gonna get there soon
You're gonna be there too
Cryin' in your room
Prayin' Lord come through
We're gonna get there soon
Oh, it's your light
Oh, it's your way
Pull me out of the dark
Just to shoulder the weight
Cryin' out now
From so far away
You pull me closer to love
Closer to love
Cause you are all that I've waited for all of my life
(We're gonna get there)
You are all that I've waited all of my life
I love you very much; this was quite a generous gesture involving little to us, maybe more to him.
ReplyDeletei had a similar thing happen about a month ago when i saw a homeless man sitting outside walmart. i got all the way across the interstate and turned onto our street before i finally decided that i could not NOT go back and do something. i think if we consciously keep our eyes open God gives us plentiful opportunity to change the world, tiny little things at a time. even if some of the time it's just our world.
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