knowing when to reject silence

growing up i was always intimidated by the oh-so strong faith of those I was spiritually mentored by.  As I get older, I start to see holes in the faith and practice of those I owe so much to.  I guess what's hard now is knowing when it's appropriate to say something, because sometimes these people I love and respect and who are so much wiser than me get clouded by emotions and truly get it wrong.  I don't want to judge others, but I know we're supposed to keep each other accountable, because we're not perfect and sometimes an outside perspective is necessary to get past those emotional blinders.  I guess for me it's hard because I'm always younger and always with a harder past and I always make excuses for why this or that isn't my place.  But in the back of my head is a nagging voice telling me to remember 1 Timothy 4:11 & 12  "Teach these things and insist that everyone learn them. ¹² Don’t let anyone think less of you because you are young. Be an example to all believers in what you say, in the way you live, in your love, your faith, and your purity" and 2 Timothy 1:7 "For God has not given us a spirit of timidity, but of power and love and discipline."   So today I finally took a step forward and said something to someone I respect so much.  It was one of those things where the triggering event happened and I knew instantly that I was supposed to say something, and oh let me tell you, I in no way wanted to.  I got this fluttering in my stomach and this fear of being offensive.  Fortunately, not long ago in our small group, we mentioned how easy it is to ignore something God is telling us to do.  I'm supposed to bold and empowered by God.  I can't keep ignoring what I know He is saying to my heart.  I can't keep quiet.

So I won't.

the relevance of country music.

so basically, this sums up what i'm thinking most nights before sleeping. thank you, brad paisley.

except you know, josh isn't a girl and won't be having babies. but the general idea, nonetheless.

I remember trying not to stare the night that I first met you 
You had me mesmerized
3 weeks later in the front porch light taking 45 min to kiss you goodnight
I hadn’t told you yet but I thought I loved you then

Now you’re my whole life; now you’re my whole world
I just can’t believe the way I feel about you girl
Like a river meets the sea
Stronger than it’s ever been
We’ve come so far since that day
And I thought I loved you then.

I remember taking you back to right where I first met you 
You were so surprised 
There were people around 
But I didn’t care I got down on one knee right there
And once again I thought I loved you then 

Now you’re my whole life; now you’re my whole world
I just can’t believe the way I feel about you girl
Like a river meets the sea
Stronger than it’s ever been
We’ve come so far since that day
And I thought I loved you then.

I can just see you with a baby on the way
I can just see you when your hair is turning gray
What I can’t see is how I’m ever gonna love you more
But I’ve said that before.

Now you’re my whole life; now you’re my whole world
I just can’t believe the way I feel about you girl
Well look back some day at this moment that we’re in
And I'll look at you and say I thought I loved you then

change

i just completed my last final (yes, at 11:30.. oh the joys of an online class), and i'm feeling strange as I consider that this time next year, i'll have been in a new state w/ hopefully a new job for several months. this semester has been a good one. last semester was kind of crazy with adjusting to more hours with school and married life in conjunction with being a college student. this semester was more about finding my routine and getting some consistency. it's been fun to slip into the new normal routine with josh. but sure enough, just as things are settled, everything will get turned upside down again.

my final semester is going to look a lot different. josh will be in a different state. that's easily the biggest difference. i also don't know what department i'll work in.. hopefully still management and marketing, but my boss passed away on sunday and she's the one who assigned positions and made the schedule, so i'm not quite sure. it will be really strange not working with her either way. i'm also our ad club president. the club is in a transition stage. this semester's presidents got it organized. my job is grow the club and help it gain some recognition on campus. we also have an opportunity to implement a campaign for a company in murfreesboro, but the time-demands and size of our club makes that seem difficult. i may leave developing an agency to the next president. i'm just not sure yet. i'll be in a campaigns class of my own and only taking 15 hours - which is an incredible blessing because campaigns alone is the time-equivilant of a 9 hour class. the familiar faces and in-class friends i've made over the last 2 semesters within my department are all graduating in may or august.

point being: i'm excited but incredibly nervous for my final semester. i think i'm in denial about the stress of trying to land a job in a place where i have no contacts. everything i think about it, i start to freak out. i've got some time, so i'm just ignoring it for now and focusing on building my resume. regardless of the economy and the move and all the stuff that comes with moving to the next stage in life, i still wouldn't change it. a girl graduating in may told me today "i would give anything to be 16 again." i still firmly stand solid in the fact that you could not pay me enough money to be 16 again. i had no idea who i was or where i was going. i still don't know where i'm going or where i'll end up, but i know exactly who i am in Christ and that makes a world of difference.