Life after Midnight.

it's a little bit after midnight, and I'm having one of those days where physically, I just feel drained, but mentally, I'm wide awake. I got tons of sleep last night, and I haven't done anything even the least bit physically strenuous today, so I'm not quite getting it. If anything it should be reversed as I've been working on school stuff since 8 (granted, I fell asleep for 30 minutes.. twice.)

I've intended to write like 5 times in the last two weeks, but somehow it never happened. My computer has a virus now, which is pleasant... except that it's not. I downloaded a picture off flickr to use for a school assignment, and poof - virus-bonanza.

It's been a fun couple of weeks. Valentine's came and went. We dressed up and went to dinner the night before. Then just relaxed at home all day for our first married Valentine's day. Josh's birthday was last weekend. We went to lunch w/ his family + Garrett and Sarah. We're having dinner w/ my family to do more birthday stuff tomorrow. Bud-bud's coming along. That should be entertaining.

He graduated from obedience training. The little goober did a test run of training right in front of the instructor before doing the official test. He was a model student during the test run. But the minute the actual test started... stubborn as his daddy. He eventually gave in after bribery with many treats. We walked away with pictures of Buddy in a graduate hat, a diploma, some coupons, and a dog who can follow some basic commands.. when he feels like it. He's a big baby lately. Around 4:30 - 5:00, he goes and lays against the front door and just whines and whines until Josh comes home. If I'm working on homework, he'll come put his paws on the book and whine until I give him some attention. I'm especially annoyed today, because he whined constantly. And he drenched me during his bath. We used to struggled to get him to shake off the water in the shower. Now, he starts shaking as soon as the water hits him and continues periodically until its over. He always saves at least two good shakes for outside of the bathroom though. One right next to the bed. And one all over the hardwood. I have to chase behind him with a towel for a good 15 minutes after bathtime. He's also still afraid of the dark. Tonight, he sat on his butt and refused to move a bout 5 feet from the door to the backyard. I tried to coerce him into going out, but he just wasn't going to budge. So i got behind him and scooted him on his bottom right out the door. I swear that dog can glare.

That was a lot of complaining, but I typed it all with a smile. Because as frustrating as he can be, he's a wonderful addition to our lives and I really enjoy having him around. I couldn't imagine ever not having a dog now.

We're going through Hebrews in our Bible Study. I'm the one who proposed the book, because I love it, and yet somehow, I'm confused by it a lot lately. I guess I didn't view things quite in the same way as our small group. I'm learning a lot, but last night I walked away pretty baffled. I'm having one of those "I know God's here, but I just don't feel him as closely as I have before" times. It has nothing to do with a lack of faith or anything like that. It's neglect on my part, I think. Life's gotten busier and I haven't adjusted the way I should or want to. A couple weeks ago, we discussed prayer in our church group. It occured to me that somewhere around the beginning of the semester, I stopped letting prayer be a conversation and turned it into a monologue. My bible reading is more sporadic and I don't take as much time to just "be still and know He's God." The whole being still and letting God speak in the silence is something that really hits home with me and is one of the most valued parts of that relationship in my opinion. I realized that so many of my prayers included "I miss you" yet my actions were sending mixed signals. Therefore, I'm trying to make a concious effort to find moments of peace somewhere in my day just to focus on God and what He has to say. They're showing up in really random, wonderful places. I'm constantly reminded about how faithful God is. Brittany recently blogged about God being there in the details, and that's something I completely identify with. It never ceases to amaze me that the God of the universe is still willing to help me find a parking spot. I know that sounds trivial, but I truly believe He cares enough to provide even those small things. Actually, I know he does as there've been at least three occasions this semester where I should have been late due to some printing issues, but haven't been because of an amazing parking spot and a conversation with God on the way over. I'm trying to remember to thank Him for every little thing. I never realized how much happier I am when I'm taking any and every opportunity to just talk to God throughout my day. If I get busy and forget, I find myself worrying more and feeling more overwhelmed. Not once have I ever turned something over to God and He's not been faithful. He's provided what I needed, even if I didn't know I needed it, every single time.

Well, that was a bucket full of rambling. Didn't even intend to get into all that when I sat down to write. I've actually completely forgotten what I was going to say throughout the rest of this. Something about a scary job market and an attempt to build my portfolio. Which lead to a thought process of God being faithful with my career when I graduate and -gulp- move. So there's the thought process. Touche.

There's something really wonderful about being able to honestly say that on this day, February 27, 2009, I have never been happier with my life. And that tomorrow, February 28, I will probably close my eyes thinking the same thing. I've come a long way from who I used to be. There's so much that's incredible about that. For example, despite the insane changes Josh and I have both experienced, we've managed to grow closer together. Growing up and getting married young and just all of it, so many times I keep hearing that we're not the same people that we'll be at 28 or 36 or whatever ideal age people think you should find the love of your life. But we're not the same people we were at 14 or 16 or 18 and yet the people we're becoming still love each other. That's God. Totally and completely. I've said it before and I'll probably say it a million more times before I die: I can't describe how amazing I find it that God never has to resort to plan B. He truly met both of us where we were and brought us back to the blessings he intended. It's completely undeserved. Grace at its finest.

Whoa, again with the rambling. Maybe I'm more tired than I realized?

And thus, I shall end this.