Busy, Busy, Busy

It's that time in the semester when all the big projects and papers and presentations are pretty much consuming my life. It's 12:35, my first class was canceled, and all I've done since 8:30 this morning is school work. Not to mention, yesterday from 10:30 - 1:00 in the morning, I worked on school work. Plus I stayed late at school meeting with professors about projects. And on Monday - same thing. Stayed at school late working on projects, and spent a couple hours Monday night working on Ad Management and Ad Club stuff. meh. On the upside, I realized an assignment I thought was due this Friday isn't actually due until April 12th. On the downside, I have a 6 page paper due tomorrow, a feature article due Monday, and an extended case study presentation on Tuesday and a website and a press kit due... sometime soon (Wednesday, I think).

Which means I shouldn't be on here, but I had to take a break from PR Comm for a minute.

And back to work I go.

Legacy

For some reason, it always seems to be after midnight when I find myself deep in thought about my life, where I've come from, what I've gone through, where I am, and what I want to be.

I've heard a lot about leaving legacies throughout my church experiences.  The idea is to leave something behind when you go - a legacy for Christ.  

I know what I want my legacy to be.  When I die, I want people to remember me as someone who loved the unlovable.  I want to be the person that befriends the ostracized, writes letters to death row inmates, who is generous whether I have a little or a lot, and who believes in lost causes.  I want to be the person that notices the new girl in the back row or the guy stocking the shelves at the grocery store or the homeless guy that sits on the same corner down the street.  I don't want to just invest my life into my close family and friends.  I want my heart to beat for "the least of these."  I don't want to tell people about Christ with an evangecube or a pamphlet.  I don't want to go on mission trips for a week every couple of years.  I want every single day to be a living testimony to the grace of my God.  I want my life to scream "I should be unlovable.  But God loves me anyway.  And that makes me want to love you."

I want to be held accountable to this.  These aren't just words spurted out to make myself feel spiritual or to portray some kind of ideal person to those with expectations.  I think deep down at the very core of who I am, the person described above is all I want to be.  More than a wife or mother or an advertising executive.  Because if I can get that right... If I can love the unlovable, how much better of a wife and future mother and coworker can I be?  If I can love those the world doesn't see as valuable, I should be able to exponentially love those who enrich my life beyond words every single day.  If I can be that person, I can radiate with a holy love everyday.  And that love is bound to spill over to my family.  If I lose everything and everyone I care about, I still want to be a person who is able to be used to bless those I come in contact with.  I want that kind of faith and courage.  

I guess I say this because I've been struggling with this lately.  I find my lack of patience getting better than me.  Or worse, I find myself afraid to take action.  I see a situation, feel a pull to do something about it, and then backtrack.  I begin making excuses.  I need to stop with all the "what if"s and "what would they think"s and "how would i do that"s.  I think sometimes as Christians, we ignore stirrings we have in a heart about something, but don't necessarily categorize it as sin because perhaps the situation isn't directly referenced in the Bible.  If it's not black and white, sometimes we assume the gray is unimportant.  But I believe God actively speaks to us all the time, and therefore if he's telling me to do something - even if it isn't spelled out step-by-step in the Bible - it's still sin if I don't do it.  It's disobedience.  It's ignoring God.  And it's not who I want to be.

Snow Buddy

So yesterday was eventful.. Birthday celebrations with my parents and Buddy's first snow experience at about 2 this morning.

Life after Midnight.

it's a little bit after midnight, and I'm having one of those days where physically, I just feel drained, but mentally, I'm wide awake. I got tons of sleep last night, and I haven't done anything even the least bit physically strenuous today, so I'm not quite getting it. If anything it should be reversed as I've been working on school stuff since 8 (granted, I fell asleep for 30 minutes.. twice.)

I've intended to write like 5 times in the last two weeks, but somehow it never happened. My computer has a virus now, which is pleasant... except that it's not. I downloaded a picture off flickr to use for a school assignment, and poof - virus-bonanza.

It's been a fun couple of weeks. Valentine's came and went. We dressed up and went to dinner the night before. Then just relaxed at home all day for our first married Valentine's day. Josh's birthday was last weekend. We went to lunch w/ his family + Garrett and Sarah. We're having dinner w/ my family to do more birthday stuff tomorrow. Bud-bud's coming along. That should be entertaining.

He graduated from obedience training. The little goober did a test run of training right in front of the instructor before doing the official test. He was a model student during the test run. But the minute the actual test started... stubborn as his daddy. He eventually gave in after bribery with many treats. We walked away with pictures of Buddy in a graduate hat, a diploma, some coupons, and a dog who can follow some basic commands.. when he feels like it. He's a big baby lately. Around 4:30 - 5:00, he goes and lays against the front door and just whines and whines until Josh comes home. If I'm working on homework, he'll come put his paws on the book and whine until I give him some attention. I'm especially annoyed today, because he whined constantly. And he drenched me during his bath. We used to struggled to get him to shake off the water in the shower. Now, he starts shaking as soon as the water hits him and continues periodically until its over. He always saves at least two good shakes for outside of the bathroom though. One right next to the bed. And one all over the hardwood. I have to chase behind him with a towel for a good 15 minutes after bathtime. He's also still afraid of the dark. Tonight, he sat on his butt and refused to move a bout 5 feet from the door to the backyard. I tried to coerce him into going out, but he just wasn't going to budge. So i got behind him and scooted him on his bottom right out the door. I swear that dog can glare.

That was a lot of complaining, but I typed it all with a smile. Because as frustrating as he can be, he's a wonderful addition to our lives and I really enjoy having him around. I couldn't imagine ever not having a dog now.

We're going through Hebrews in our Bible Study. I'm the one who proposed the book, because I love it, and yet somehow, I'm confused by it a lot lately. I guess I didn't view things quite in the same way as our small group. I'm learning a lot, but last night I walked away pretty baffled. I'm having one of those "I know God's here, but I just don't feel him as closely as I have before" times. It has nothing to do with a lack of faith or anything like that. It's neglect on my part, I think. Life's gotten busier and I haven't adjusted the way I should or want to. A couple weeks ago, we discussed prayer in our church group. It occured to me that somewhere around the beginning of the semester, I stopped letting prayer be a conversation and turned it into a monologue. My bible reading is more sporadic and I don't take as much time to just "be still and know He's God." The whole being still and letting God speak in the silence is something that really hits home with me and is one of the most valued parts of that relationship in my opinion. I realized that so many of my prayers included "I miss you" yet my actions were sending mixed signals. Therefore, I'm trying to make a concious effort to find moments of peace somewhere in my day just to focus on God and what He has to say. They're showing up in really random, wonderful places. I'm constantly reminded about how faithful God is. Brittany recently blogged about God being there in the details, and that's something I completely identify with. It never ceases to amaze me that the God of the universe is still willing to help me find a parking spot. I know that sounds trivial, but I truly believe He cares enough to provide even those small things. Actually, I know he does as there've been at least three occasions this semester where I should have been late due to some printing issues, but haven't been because of an amazing parking spot and a conversation with God on the way over. I'm trying to remember to thank Him for every little thing. I never realized how much happier I am when I'm taking any and every opportunity to just talk to God throughout my day. If I get busy and forget, I find myself worrying more and feeling more overwhelmed. Not once have I ever turned something over to God and He's not been faithful. He's provided what I needed, even if I didn't know I needed it, every single time.

Well, that was a bucket full of rambling. Didn't even intend to get into all that when I sat down to write. I've actually completely forgotten what I was going to say throughout the rest of this. Something about a scary job market and an attempt to build my portfolio. Which lead to a thought process of God being faithful with my career when I graduate and -gulp- move. So there's the thought process. Touche.

There's something really wonderful about being able to honestly say that on this day, February 27, 2009, I have never been happier with my life. And that tomorrow, February 28, I will probably close my eyes thinking the same thing. I've come a long way from who I used to be. There's so much that's incredible about that. For example, despite the insane changes Josh and I have both experienced, we've managed to grow closer together. Growing up and getting married young and just all of it, so many times I keep hearing that we're not the same people that we'll be at 28 or 36 or whatever ideal age people think you should find the love of your life. But we're not the same people we were at 14 or 16 or 18 and yet the people we're becoming still love each other. That's God. Totally and completely. I've said it before and I'll probably say it a million more times before I die: I can't describe how amazing I find it that God never has to resort to plan B. He truly met both of us where we were and brought us back to the blessings he intended. It's completely undeserved. Grace at its finest.

Whoa, again with the rambling. Maybe I'm more tired than I realized?

And thus, I shall end this.

full of photos

I feel as though life is so redundant, there isn't always anything interesting to write about. All my days are the same, give or take a couple details here and there. Sometimes I love that. Everything is uncomplicated when you know what to expect. But at the same time, I'm looking forward to moving if for no other reason than to break out of this routine. I feel too young to live the same day everyday.

Anyway, last week wasn't so interesting. I am now VP of Publicity for MTSU's Ad Club, which makes me happy. I haven't done much with it yet as I didn't get a chance to start until Thursday and our first meeting is Wednesday. I started a Facebook group/event thing, ran a Facebook ad starting last Thursday and running through Tuesday, and tomorrow I'm putting up flyers and whatnot. I eventually want to get it on the Mass Comm board, in Sidelines (if the guy will ever email me back), and I've started working on a website (the old one hasn't been updated since 2005...), but I'm not sure how to put it on the MTSU server yet. It makes me sad that we're the Advertising club and yet I keep hearing "What's the Ad Club?" and "I didn't even know we had that" from several people. If we can't promote our own club, what good are we?

This weekend has been pretty basic. I can't really remember Friday. I took Buddy to dog training. He does really well there. He graduates this Friday, so prepare for pictures of him in his little doggie graduate hat (that the trainer and I agreed he will try to eat.) Here's a picture of him because I think he's cute :P





Saturday morning, we went back to Sumner County to watch my sister play basketball, do taxes, and shoot guns.

Here's Alyssa shooting the ball. I need to photoshop it, but that's not available on this computer hah



And this is us watching the game:



I chickened out at the gun shooting part of the day. Thus, there are no pictures. Although the sky was pretty on the way home :)



Josh and I slept in today (Sunday). I actually woke up at 10:20 and had to wake him up, which is unusual. The great part of that was: he had somewhere to be at 11. Disc golf w/ some guys from church. I took my time and enjoyed the day. Buddy and I played outside 3 different times inbetween straightening up the house. Josh and I just relaxed this afternoon and watched some TV.

Tonight we had to act at church again for the little kids. I was dreading it. Like knot in my stomach dreading it, and that's just not something that happens to me. I feed off audience energy. But the part I was playing pronounced all her r's and l's as w's and was apparently supposed to have a NY accent, so I kept continuously stumbling all over them as I was practicing throughout the week. By the time we got to church, I wanted to turn right around and go home. I was a reporter. Josh was the Good Samaritan. Which was enjoyable :) He had to wear a Bible-style costume (read: dress) as you will see below. All his lines were basically saying the same thing in different ways, which is hard to memorize in order. I would have felt bad for him if I didn't have a part with an awkard lisp hah. Anyways, we seemed to do fine. Stumbled a little, but no one noticed, and the kids laughed which is a vast improvement over the booing that they did last time. We came home and made double stack tacos for dinner, which was suprisingly good considering they came from one of those taco bell taco kits (what happens when I send Josh to the store for milk.) We watched some more tv and just enjoyed each other's company. It was overall a pretty perfect weekend. We laughed a lot :)

Thanks for the business suit, Brittany! It came in very handy tonight hah.. That's Josh and his nice little Samaritan outfit. You can't see it in this picture, but he has on a fur vest thing. You can see it a little on the last picture. Jenny had to put a rope on his head thing so he didn't look like a Muslim woman heh

The Adventures of January 29th, 2009

I don't have anything specific to write about.  Therefore, I'll just run through my day.

Buddy was great this morning until 9:10.  At 9:10, the doggy-crazy-alert sounded in its super high-pitched-only-dogs-can-hear way.  I let Buddy out to use the bathroom at 9:10 with the knowledge that I needed to leave the house at 9:20 in order to make it to my 9:40 class.  At 9:17 or so, I go to let Buddy back inside and subsequently, put him in his crate.  Now, considering I generally have to lose my feet inside Josh's fuzzy crocs, burrow inside a jacket in my pjs, and venture all the way into the yard to get Buddy to even go outside in the mornings, one would think he would voluntarily rush back in to greet me upon opening the door.  No, no.  Not this morning.

Sensing my impending need to leave, Buddy decided it was a nice morning for a game of tag.  I tried treats, toys, the leash, ignoring him, ignoring him with the door shut, ignoring him with the door open, ignoring him in the yard, chasing after him, yelling, pleading, excitedly coaxing, etc.  He was having none of it.  Finally out of desperation I went inside, left the door open, and picked up the phone to call Josh for ideas on how to get the darn dog to place more than just his two front paws inside the house without running way as soon as I even looked at him.  I walked from the phone over the refrigerator and noticed Buddy lingering in the doorway waiting for me to dodge at him so he could take joy in his escape.  I pretended to yawn while turning my back to him and intentionally knocking a closed bag of treats off the top of the refrigerator.  VICTORY!  Buddy lunged for the treats.  I sprinted towards the door, slammed it shut, and then chased after Buddy who was by that time in the living room under an ironing board.  I was fuming.  It was 9:38.  I reached for his collar to drag him to his crate, but at the last second he dodge to a tiny hole between the leg of the ironing board and the recliner.

And then the ironing board fell over, hitting my leg, and freeing the dog.

I yelled.  Buddy cowered.  I grabbed his collar with one hand, a treat with the other, and slid his little belly across the floor until we reached the crate.  It sounds like animal abuse.  But believe me, it was the equivalent of the mom at the grocery store with that mix of anger and exhaustion holding on to the hand of her screaming child and dragging him along with her while muttering threats.  "BAD," I yelled.  He slid to the back of his crate and didn't even bark when I left the room.  He knew what he had done.  

I trudged across campus in the wind and entered my Media Planning class fifteen minutes late.  I looked at my professor warily.  He didn't even ask.  He did proceed to explain 7th grade equivalent math problems about 3o times each.  Seven questions took an hour and a half.   And these are questions like:  Here is the formula for GRPS.  Gross Impressions/Universe x 100.  If the gross impressions equal 10 million, and the Universe equals 100 million... What are the GRPS?   Not only did he ask every student to explain that equation (13 students), that question alone took 20 minutes.  Welcome to a college class full of seniors.

Next was work.  Never hard, only boring.  Today, I searched through files for duplicates, while paper cutting my hand multiple times.  I also filled the shelf with copier paper.  Then I made 4 labels and got the mail. Challenging.  I know.

Advertising Management... the class I love with the professor who doesn't love me.  Although, I do think that is changing.  I ranted to Josh about all the ways in which my prof treated me like his other students today.  "He asked me how i was!  He used my name for an example!  He actually called on me to answer a question and said my answer was a good one!"  I was excited.  Some students might expect these simple things, but this is unexplored territory for me and ole' Applegate.  The conversation I had with Josh after my first day in the class went more like this:  "He asked everyone to introduce themselves except me.  He skipped over my name in the roll.  I asked him after class if I was indeed showing up as registered.  He confirmed I was.  He asked everyone's opinion on a case study except mine.  He avoided all eye contact.  He ignored anything I said.  He.  Hates.  Me."

And then back to work.  Where I... kid you not... sorted out two coffee cups of rubber bands into stacks of "Thick rubber bands" and "Thin rubber bands."   Exhilarating.  

Home to the chastised puppy who redeemed himself by being cute.

Josh and I went to Bible Study tonight, which we love.  A new couple came tonight, bringing the total to 6 couples, which is a great size for a small group.  Our actually Connection class on Sundays has grown to 40+ people.  We're going to the class Super Bowl party on Sunday.  I'm tivoing the game at home in case I miss any good commercials >_>  

And that's about it!

Oh, except for the whole Josh accepting the offer to officially go into sales at Lochinvar.  Hooray!!!  I'm so proud of him :)  It means we'll eventually be moving, but the guy who will be his supervisor until we do alluded to the idea that he might keep him in the southeast if at all possible.  That would be nice.  I think as long as we're in the South, it will feel like home.  If it's not, we'll still make it home; it just won't come as naturally I think.  

Nothing quite like 50 kids booing you at church...

So Josh and I volunteered (got recruited actually ha) to act in little skits for the K-5th grade once a month on Sunday nights.  Last night was our first time.  Josh was a silent drummer.  I was supposed to be a comedian, but the jokes were all horrible.  To the point that the 50 + kids were actually booing me.  It's funny in hindsight, but it caught me so off guard onstage that I stumbled over a couple of my lines.  First time for everything hah.. We go again on February 8th.  My part is supposed to speak with this obnoxious lisp that I'm really struggling to do.  Josh is going to be the Good Samaritan.  Then on March 8th I'm playing a gardener named Holly Honeysuckle or something like that.  The other actors are really nice, and dramatic in age range.  There are a couple men, one just moved here with his wife and 4 daughters from Dallas to start a church in Smyrna, but it doesn't open until September.  The other does professional voiceovers for tv shows and commercials and whatnot.  He's also a salesman for a bank, which sounds like a pretty good gig from what he described.  There's a Master's student from MTSU focusing on English.  A freshman from MTSU who is about to change his major from EMC to Religious Studies, even though he isn't even sure that's offered as a major at MTSU.  A couple of high schoolers.  One was a freshman.  One seemed like an upperclassman, but he never said his grade.  The guy from Dallas brought his 11 year old and 8 year old daughters.  They were cute.  

Buddy's really cuddly today.  He's been pretty much permanently glued to my lap.  When I got home from the grocery today, I let him out with me while I was bringing the groceries in.  When I opened the door to my car to open my trunk, Buddy squeezed his way in thinking we were going to go for a ride.  He loves rides.  It took me a full 30 minutes to get him back out of the car.  I'd convince him to come out and before I could shut the door, he'd jump right back in.  He would twist himself in pretzel positions to make sure at least one paw was inside the car at all times.  I even came inside, turned off the garage light and shut the door to the house while leaving the car door open, but five minutes later when I opened the door, he had is paws perched on the front dash waiting for me to come get in.  Silly pup.

My classes are going really well thus far.  I really like 3 of the 4 professors I have in class.  My online classes are informative and interesting, but not challenging, which is kind of nice when you're taking 18 hours.  

Josh and I watched Max Payne tonight.  I fell asleep for the last 10 minutes.  I couldn't really get into it.  Sometimes these shoot'em up movies look all the same to me.  Not to mention it was bizarre to see the spoiled girl from That 70's Show holding a gun.

I should really be sleeping as I have class in the morning.  I'm at the point where I have classes with a lot of the same people as we're all trying to graduate within 2009.  I've met someone to at least talk to while waiting on class to start in every class, and I've inquired about becoming one of the lesser-involved officers for the Ad Club.  I know one of the co-presidents, so I'm thinking I'll actually join officially this year to add something to my resume.  I'd like to do an officer position this year so that I can apply for a officer that has a little more responsibility next year.  But we'll see.  I'm not counting on it as the faculty advisor currently doesn't like me.  I'm desperately trying to change his opinion in my Management class as that is a little more my forte than copywriting.  

This was longer than I expected.  Hmm..